I was reading a book earlier about violence and thinking about Elaine Scarry's discussion of the difficulty we have expressing or describing pain. I was having all kinds of deep thoughts about language and feeling all philosophical and then I saw this-
Showing posts with label grad school. Show all posts
Showing posts with label grad school. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Changing my name
I have been debating changing my name for a while now. I go by my middle name and always feel a little strange when people refer to me by my first name or when I am forced to use my first name like when I am traveling or whenever I use my debit card (banks insist that my first name appear on the cards, same with my driver's license, etc). However, it was never a big enough deal that I felt I had to change my name- until I started teaching.
At both schools I have taught for I appear in the class schedule by my first name. On the first day of class I re-introduce myself by my preferred name but there are always some students who continue to address me by my first name or to list my first name on their papers. And it drives me crazy. On the other hand I feel petty when I correct them- especially on papers. So I have been thinking far more seriously about going through the process of changing my name legally.
Then the other day at the airport the gate keeper (as I like to refer to the people that work at the gates) paged me to come to the desk using my first and middle name, which he mispronounced- he called me Michelle. And I realized that at least no one (well only one person so far) ever mispronounces my first name- Mary, so by changing my name I'd have to deal with that far more often. It's completely understandable that someone would look at Michaele and think Michelle, especially when they know that they are referring to a female. I used to let it go when people called me Michelle if I thought that I'd never see that person again, but I learned that you just never know. For example, a bank teller once called me Michelle and I didn't bother correcting her because it was not a bank I went to all that often. Bu then i got a job near the bank and started going there all the time. The teller called me Michelle for 3 years and because I didn't correct her the first time I met her I never felt like i could and I honestly didn't care all that much. Then one day I made a deposit for my sister and she paused because the account was not mine and asked, "it is Michelle, right?" and I responded "Actually it's Michaele." She was mortified, "Why did you let me call you Michelle all this time!" Then I was embarrassed.
So what's worse, being called a name that feels a little foreign or being called the wrong name and having to correct people all the time? Blurg, this was more complicated than I thought It'd be.
The biggest thing holding me back was the fact that I am named after someone. Would that be disrespectful? I decided that the best way to deal with this was to take her (Baba's- my grandmother) middle name. When I mentioned this to my mom she told me that Baba had chosen her middle name (I assume she chose it when she was confirmed), so it seemed right somehow to chose the same name she had picked for herself.
Then, this morning a friend sent me a link to this article about a woman who changed her name and reinvented herself. So who knows, maybe after I change my name I'll become a rockstar! Or maybe I'll just approach the coming year (which I have been terrified about because my funding ends this year) with more excitement over the possibilities instead of with terror over the possibility that I will end up on a street corner with a cardboard sign reading "Will lecture you in history for food" (I don't think I'd have many takers).
So here's to a new name, a new year, and endless possibilities (that sounds a little corny, but it's the holidays so corny is more acceptable).
At both schools I have taught for I appear in the class schedule by my first name. On the first day of class I re-introduce myself by my preferred name but there are always some students who continue to address me by my first name or to list my first name on their papers. And it drives me crazy. On the other hand I feel petty when I correct them- especially on papers. So I have been thinking far more seriously about going through the process of changing my name legally.
Then the other day at the airport the gate keeper (as I like to refer to the people that work at the gates) paged me to come to the desk using my first and middle name, which he mispronounced- he called me Michelle. And I realized that at least no one (well only one person so far) ever mispronounces my first name- Mary, so by changing my name I'd have to deal with that far more often. It's completely understandable that someone would look at Michaele and think Michelle, especially when they know that they are referring to a female. I used to let it go when people called me Michelle if I thought that I'd never see that person again, but I learned that you just never know. For example, a bank teller once called me Michelle and I didn't bother correcting her because it was not a bank I went to all that often. Bu then i got a job near the bank and started going there all the time. The teller called me Michelle for 3 years and because I didn't correct her the first time I met her I never felt like i could and I honestly didn't care all that much. Then one day I made a deposit for my sister and she paused because the account was not mine and asked, "it is Michelle, right?" and I responded "Actually it's Michaele." She was mortified, "Why did you let me call you Michelle all this time!" Then I was embarrassed.
So what's worse, being called a name that feels a little foreign or being called the wrong name and having to correct people all the time? Blurg, this was more complicated than I thought It'd be.
The biggest thing holding me back was the fact that I am named after someone. Would that be disrespectful? I decided that the best way to deal with this was to take her (Baba's- my grandmother) middle name. When I mentioned this to my mom she told me that Baba had chosen her middle name (I assume she chose it when she was confirmed), so it seemed right somehow to chose the same name she had picked for herself.
Then, this morning a friend sent me a link to this article about a woman who changed her name and reinvented herself. So who knows, maybe after I change my name I'll become a rockstar! Or maybe I'll just approach the coming year (which I have been terrified about because my funding ends this year) with more excitement over the possibilities instead of with terror over the possibility that I will end up on a street corner with a cardboard sign reading "Will lecture you in history for food" (I don't think I'd have many takers).
So here's to a new name, a new year, and endless possibilities (that sounds a little corny, but it's the holidays so corny is more acceptable).
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Seeing Red
Contrary to evidence (the evidence being that I haven't posted anything in almost 2 months) I am still around. I have been busy with NIAHD and then busy recovering from NIAHD and teaching another online class and traveling and, you know, living. Lately I have been working on my dissertation and trying to regain my focus after a very busy summer.
I do have pictures from NIAHD to share but I'll save them for another day. In the meantime I thought I share a cartoon I have been watching today (for research of course- I'm not slaking I swear). One of the chapters I am currently working on focuses on wolves - a theme you have seen before here- so here is yet another rendition of my favorite (not really) story- Little Red Riding Hood- in this case Little Red Walking Hood.
I do have pictures from NIAHD to share but I'll save them for another day. In the meantime I thought I share a cartoon I have been watching today (for research of course- I'm not slaking I swear). One of the chapters I am currently working on focuses on wolves - a theme you have seen before here- so here is yet another rendition of my favorite (not really) story- Little Red Riding Hood- in this case Little Red Walking Hood.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Checking in
I haven't posted for a while because I don't really have much to say and I've been preoccupied with school stuff- but I thought I should let you know I am still alive and well in Virginia.
Since I don't really have anything to say here are some cute pictures of Rusty enjoying his new pillow.
Since I don't really have anything to say here are some cute pictures of Rusty enjoying his new pillow.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
The F-Word
No, not that F-word, the other one- FEMINISM. I wasn't sure how to tie all of this together- but here are some random things I have been thinking about lately, the common thread is feminism.
My nieces got a Wii for Christmas, so I've spent the last couple days playing Wii Sports (I am especially good at Wake-boarding, sadly I do not think this skill will translate to real life. On the other hand, I am a horrible Wii golfer- which would likely translate to real life). I also have been spending a lot of time reading stuff for the Women's Studies class I will be teaching next semester. So between playing the Wii and reading feminist theory I have had some odd dreams including one where the Wii games were rigged so that female characters (I believe they are called female mii's) could not preform to the same level as the male mii's. I was incredibly mad in my dream but woke up before I did anything about it- perhaps my mii character could have staged a sit-in on the virtual table tennis court.
I have been irritated with commercials for a long time over the way they portray women as the only people capable of using cleaning products. Like those horrible paper towel commercials where a man and his son debate the number of paper towels it will take to clean up a spill and a woman steps in and uses one paper towel to clean up the mess. I'd like to think this commercial would annoy me as much if I were a man (though it's doubtful) because the commercial is basically calling men stupid (seriously- who gives that much thought to the number of paper towels one might need for a given spill? Is it that hard to simply clean it up? Are men really so dense that they have to debate such a mundane issue?).
But my annoyance at the paper towel commercials are nothing compared to my annoyance over the new Swiffer commercials. I think I am going to have to stop using their products. Who thought it was a good idea to show women (itty-bitty women) lying on the floor dreaming of the day when a worthy mop will come by and pick them up? Seriously Swiffer- it was bad enough that only women clean floors or dust in your world but this is a new low. Am I the only one who finds this type of commercial offensive? Am I being overly sensitive? It may seem like a little thing but it adds to the over-whemling message our media is sending to us about how the only things women think about are finding good cleaning products (so we can all be perfect wives and mothers- the only real roles for women) and how much we hope and dream of finding the right man (again so we can become perfect wives and mothers).
While it clearly doesn't take much to get my ire up it does sometimes sadden me that I can't turn off my feminist filter. I recently saw Tangled with my sister and nieces and found it rather difficult to simply enjoy the movie (though I have to admit I did like it). I found the message the movie sent about older women to be very off-putting. It demonstrates how our popular culture is constantly trying to pit older women and younger women against each other and shows how much we value youth (especially in females) in our society. While Disney's images of women (girls really) has certainly improved over the years- they now have several movies where the mothers of our heroine live past the first 5 minutes; feature women, such as Belle in Beauty and the Beast, who are intellectual; where women can defend themselves- like Mulan, and like Rapunzel in Tangled who welds a frying pan; where female's have dreams beyond getting married- as in the Princess and the Frog, where the heroine aspires to be a restauranteur, but at the end of the day the Disney heroines are all young, are all beautiful (even Belle our 'smart' heroine has to also be the most beautiful girl in the village), are all ridiculously (impossibly) thin, and only find 'true happiness' after they meet the right man. What message does this send to girls and boys who grow up watching these movies?
So, what do you think?
My nieces got a Wii for Christmas, so I've spent the last couple days playing Wii Sports (I am especially good at Wake-boarding, sadly I do not think this skill will translate to real life. On the other hand, I am a horrible Wii golfer- which would likely translate to real life). I also have been spending a lot of time reading stuff for the Women's Studies class I will be teaching next semester. So between playing the Wii and reading feminist theory I have had some odd dreams including one where the Wii games were rigged so that female characters (I believe they are called female mii's) could not preform to the same level as the male mii's. I was incredibly mad in my dream but woke up before I did anything about it- perhaps my mii character could have staged a sit-in on the virtual table tennis court.
I have been irritated with commercials for a long time over the way they portray women as the only people capable of using cleaning products. Like those horrible paper towel commercials where a man and his son debate the number of paper towels it will take to clean up a spill and a woman steps in and uses one paper towel to clean up the mess. I'd like to think this commercial would annoy me as much if I were a man (though it's doubtful) because the commercial is basically calling men stupid (seriously- who gives that much thought to the number of paper towels one might need for a given spill? Is it that hard to simply clean it up? Are men really so dense that they have to debate such a mundane issue?).
But my annoyance at the paper towel commercials are nothing compared to my annoyance over the new Swiffer commercials. I think I am going to have to stop using their products. Who thought it was a good idea to show women (itty-bitty women) lying on the floor dreaming of the day when a worthy mop will come by and pick them up? Seriously Swiffer- it was bad enough that only women clean floors or dust in your world but this is a new low. Am I the only one who finds this type of commercial offensive? Am I being overly sensitive? It may seem like a little thing but it adds to the over-whemling message our media is sending to us about how the only things women think about are finding good cleaning products (so we can all be perfect wives and mothers- the only real roles for women) and how much we hope and dream of finding the right man (again so we can become perfect wives and mothers).
While it clearly doesn't take much to get my ire up it does sometimes sadden me that I can't turn off my feminist filter. I recently saw Tangled with my sister and nieces and found it rather difficult to simply enjoy the movie (though I have to admit I did like it). I found the message the movie sent about older women to be very off-putting. It demonstrates how our popular culture is constantly trying to pit older women and younger women against each other and shows how much we value youth (especially in females) in our society. While Disney's images of women (girls really) has certainly improved over the years- they now have several movies where the mothers of our heroine live past the first 5 minutes; feature women, such as Belle in Beauty and the Beast, who are intellectual; where women can defend themselves- like Mulan, and like Rapunzel in Tangled who welds a frying pan; where female's have dreams beyond getting married- as in the Princess and the Frog, where the heroine aspires to be a restauranteur, but at the end of the day the Disney heroines are all young, are all beautiful (even Belle our 'smart' heroine has to also be the most beautiful girl in the village), are all ridiculously (impossibly) thin, and only find 'true happiness' after they meet the right man. What message does this send to girls and boys who grow up watching these movies?
So, what do you think?
Friday, April 30, 2010
One Week To Go!
It's crazy to think I will be taking my qualifying exams (comps) in a week from today! Send positive thoughts my way next Friday- I will need them!
I've really taken a step back from the process this last week. Several people told me to take it easy for the weeks before the exam so you don't over-think and over-stress it. With all the stuff going on with my family back home it hasn't been hard to get my mind off comps. I have actually been worried that I'm not stressed enough- I should be freaking out right now- right? On the other hand, it has affected my sleep- I keep going over answers to potential questions in my head at night which makes it hard to fall asleep. I'm a little worried that if I slack off too much now I will forget everything and panic next Friday.
I'm really not sure what I think of this process at this time, I'll have to force myself to take time to contemplate it once it is over. I really need to take some time to celebrate- but I'm not sure how to mark this major step in my career- and a major accomplishment. I do know one thing, I spend way too much time in my head and I need to get out more, too bad I'm broke so I can't afford to go anywhere- ah the life of a grad student!
I've really taken a step back from the process this last week. Several people told me to take it easy for the weeks before the exam so you don't over-think and over-stress it. With all the stuff going on with my family back home it hasn't been hard to get my mind off comps. I have actually been worried that I'm not stressed enough- I should be freaking out right now- right? On the other hand, it has affected my sleep- I keep going over answers to potential questions in my head at night which makes it hard to fall asleep. I'm a little worried that if I slack off too much now I will forget everything and panic next Friday.
I'm really not sure what I think of this process at this time, I'll have to force myself to take time to contemplate it once it is over. I really need to take some time to celebrate- but I'm not sure how to mark this major step in my career- and a major accomplishment. I do know one thing, I spend way too much time in my head and I need to get out more, too bad I'm broke so I can't afford to go anywhere- ah the life of a grad student!
Monday, March 15, 2010
getting nervous
I am beginning to think I have taken on too much. My first encyclopedia article is due next Friday and I am only about halfway through. And then of course I have to start on my second article, but at least that one is much shorter. I am also presenting a paper on the same day my article is due- I don't have to write anything new for the presentation but I do need to put together some form of powerpoint and of course review the paper I will be presenting (my senior thesis) and I probably need to shorten it a bit more. I am mostly worried about the encyclopedia article- I'll feel better once I've sent it off (even if it comes back needing revisions).
I also applied for a job. I wasn't planning on trying to find a job until May (after comps) but I am not sure about how I am going to survive summer (ah, the joys of grad school) so I applied for a job one day when I was panicking about money. I wasn't expecting to hear back from them so soon- but they've moved pretty fast and now have scheduled a phone interview with me. I'm not sure how I feel about it- it'd be a great opportunity but my timing is off a bit- I just hope that if by some long-shot I actually get it they won't want me to start until after comps are over!
That brings us back to comps. I am still getting a lot out of the reading- well... I'm still enjoying it for the most part but I am not sure if I am processing the information as well because it's an overwhelming amount of information to process and I am sick of reading- like the actual act of reading- I am starting to hate words which I thought was never possible. There are books I want to read but than I open them and see all those evil words and I just feel like curling up and taking a nap. I'm sure this is a natural part of comps (is there really anything 'natural' about this process?) but it does worry me that won't be able to regurgitate all of this information come test day. I have started meeting with my advisors- and they have gone pretty well- but they are a little scary too. The whole process is overwhelming. I need a break. I can't wait for it to be May.
Rusty is handling this all better than me- his bed arrived the other day in the mail (I didn't have enough room in my luggage to bring it back to Virginia with us- so my mom had to mail it). He was happy to see it.
I also applied for a job. I wasn't planning on trying to find a job until May (after comps) but I am not sure about how I am going to survive summer (ah, the joys of grad school) so I applied for a job one day when I was panicking about money. I wasn't expecting to hear back from them so soon- but they've moved pretty fast and now have scheduled a phone interview with me. I'm not sure how I feel about it- it'd be a great opportunity but my timing is off a bit- I just hope that if by some long-shot I actually get it they won't want me to start until after comps are over!
That brings us back to comps. I am still getting a lot out of the reading- well... I'm still enjoying it for the most part but I am not sure if I am processing the information as well because it's an overwhelming amount of information to process and I am sick of reading- like the actual act of reading- I am starting to hate words which I thought was never possible. There are books I want to read but than I open them and see all those evil words and I just feel like curling up and taking a nap. I'm sure this is a natural part of comps (is there really anything 'natural' about this process?) but it does worry me that won't be able to regurgitate all of this information come test day. I have started meeting with my advisors- and they have gone pretty well- but they are a little scary too. The whole process is overwhelming. I need a break. I can't wait for it to be May.
Rusty is handling this all better than me- his bed arrived the other day in the mail (I didn't have enough room in my luggage to bring it back to Virginia with us- so my mom had to mail it). He was happy to see it.
Friday, January 29, 2010
reading, reading, and more reading
I have very little to say. I have been reading and doing very little else- I'm boring. But I am making very good progress- at least I think I am making very good progress. And I am still actually enjoying reading- not the euphoria of the first few weeks- but I'm not hating it. I've been getting up very early and reading at a coffee shop (where I will not be tempted to watch TV or get on my computer, or play with Rusty or my DS, or do laundry, etc, etc), it is a little hard to get up so early- but I do look forward to having the time to just focus on my work.
Besides reading I am working on my thesis- trying to edit it into an article that I can submit for publication. And I need to try to turn my senior thesis into a talk for the graduate research symposium. And I need to write two encyclopedia entries. Yikes thats a lot- And I didn't even mention preparing for my language exam (a topic I am still avoiding- but I am not avoiding studying- so that's good).
Besides reading I am working on my thesis- trying to edit it into an article that I can submit for publication. And I need to try to turn my senior thesis into a talk for the graduate research symposium. And I need to write two encyclopedia entries. Yikes thats a lot- And I didn't even mention preparing for my language exam (a topic I am still avoiding- but I am not avoiding studying- so that's good).
Thursday, January 21, 2010
more on comps...
The reading continues.... and continues.... and continues.....
I am very nearly done with my 19th century list!!! It has gone faster than I expected. I should be done with the list I have now by Monday at the latest. I could say that I'll be completely done with a list but my advisor for this list is adding around 10 more books and I do not know what they are yet... but either way I am excited that I am making good progress- and I have managed to maintain my motivation even though I had to make it through the Gilded Age/Progressivism/Populism this week- which usually bores me to tears- I don't know why but agrarian radicalism puts me to sleep. Seriously why does this period bore me so much? A lot of interesting stuff happened then- allegedly. Of course getting up at 4am and trying to read about a topic that bores me was probably poor planning. I did enjoy reading about vigilantes in Montana today- much more exciting than farmers getting all political and trying to change the world- *yawns*
I continue on the American West tomorrow- good times!
I am very nearly done with my 19th century list!!! It has gone faster than I expected. I should be done with the list I have now by Monday at the latest. I could say that I'll be completely done with a list but my advisor for this list is adding around 10 more books and I do not know what they are yet... but either way I am excited that I am making good progress- and I have managed to maintain my motivation even though I had to make it through the Gilded Age/Progressivism/Populism this week- which usually bores me to tears- I don't know why but agrarian radicalism puts me to sleep. Seriously why does this period bore me so much? A lot of interesting stuff happened then- allegedly. Of course getting up at 4am and trying to read about a topic that bores me was probably poor planning. I did enjoy reading about vigilantes in Montana today- much more exciting than farmers getting all political and trying to change the world- *yawns*
I continue on the American West tomorrow- good times!
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Fun new blog and random thoughts
I've been meaning to post- but have actually managed to get into the comps (comprehensive exams) groove and haven't managed to do it.
Anyway, first I wanted to recommend this new (well now newish) blog, it is written by a guy that went to school with one of my sisters- he is recording his journey through culinary school- in Paris! It's a fun blog and he post almost everyday- far more often than I do. I highly recommend reading it- especially if you like Paris- or food- or hearing about someone who is following his dreams.
And speaking about following dreams- grad school was kind of getting me down- there are so many things to worry about and feel insecure about- and frankly my money situation is really freaking me out- what with the abysmal job market and all (especially in my field- which was abysmal even before the economy tanked). Last semester was kind of rough (as I may have previously mentioned- if so- sorry to beat a dead horse) so I have been questioning my decision- many years ago- to go back to school full time and to go onto graduate school.
Basically, I was in a terrible mind-frame to start reading for comps. For those of you who I haven't described comps to here's what I am in for. I have four reading lists for my three fields and have a professor to advise me on each list- and to eventually examine me. My fields are American History (19th, 20th, and 21st centuries) this field is split in two so I have two advisers- one for each half, and then I have two minor fields- Gender and Sexuality, and War and Society. In all I have about 285 books on my lists (yes 285!). And my examination is scheduled (somewhat tentatively) for April 28th.
Anyway- I dove into reading a couple weeks ago and last week I realized, much to my surprise, that I am actually enjoying myself! I now remember why I made my crazy decision in the first place- I love history. The way I decided to approach or think about my reading is to try to figure out how I would teach a class on what I am reading and to think about whether or not I would use that particular book or article in a class- I have thought about this while I've been reading before but my first focus was always on what I needed to get out of the reading for class- so I was more focused on what my professor wanted me to get out of a book than about what I might want a student to get out of it. I know it seems like a strange distinction to make but it makes a HUGE difference. I am really thinking about future as a teacher now instead of being dwelling on my own abilities (or insecurities) as a student. It's amazing! And brings me to the other big reason why I decided to continue school- not only do I love history but i want other people to enjoy it and to be curious about it and to want to know more- and to be surprised by aspects of history often left out of textbooks and to learn about some of the amazing people who are also often left out of textbooks.
People think that historians or those of us in American Studies have something against America- that, especially since the 60s and 70s- liberals have dominated the field and want to tarnish American History because we no longer focus on the usually white, usually wealthy, usually Protestant (or at least Christian), and almost always male, leaders of our country and because we no longer focus on the seemingly heroic moments of our history and argue for American exceptionalism. As I listen to a lecture on WWII and I read about slavery and the American Civil War I start to get excited about history again and to really appreciate the sacrifices Americans have made in the past- but to also think about the self-serving decisions and the brutality that the American ideal of individualism can also lead to- and it makes me want to share with students the complexity of our collective national past- Americans haven't always been good, haven't always cared about other Americans, but Americans have also been heroes who face incredible odds and sometimes willingly gave their lives for love of country. We are fortunate to live in this amazing country and we should celebrate that fact by studying our past- the good and the bad- because after all no one is perfect- and what better way to celebrate those who have have gone before us than by remembering them.
I didn't plan on writing all that when I started this post- I simply wanted to celebrate the fact that I am enjoying the beginning of my comps experience- I realize that I may not (ok will not) feel this way throughout the entire experience- but at least now I can remind myself why I am putting myself through what one of my professors called a hazing.
Anyway, first I wanted to recommend this new (well now newish) blog, it is written by a guy that went to school with one of my sisters- he is recording his journey through culinary school- in Paris! It's a fun blog and he post almost everyday- far more often than I do. I highly recommend reading it- especially if you like Paris- or food- or hearing about someone who is following his dreams.
And speaking about following dreams- grad school was kind of getting me down- there are so many things to worry about and feel insecure about- and frankly my money situation is really freaking me out- what with the abysmal job market and all (especially in my field- which was abysmal even before the economy tanked). Last semester was kind of rough (as I may have previously mentioned- if so- sorry to beat a dead horse) so I have been questioning my decision- many years ago- to go back to school full time and to go onto graduate school.
Basically, I was in a terrible mind-frame to start reading for comps. For those of you who I haven't described comps to here's what I am in for. I have four reading lists for my three fields and have a professor to advise me on each list- and to eventually examine me. My fields are American History (19th, 20th, and 21st centuries) this field is split in two so I have two advisers- one for each half, and then I have two minor fields- Gender and Sexuality, and War and Society. In all I have about 285 books on my lists (yes 285!). And my examination is scheduled (somewhat tentatively) for April 28th.
Anyway- I dove into reading a couple weeks ago and last week I realized, much to my surprise, that I am actually enjoying myself! I now remember why I made my crazy decision in the first place- I love history. The way I decided to approach or think about my reading is to try to figure out how I would teach a class on what I am reading and to think about whether or not I would use that particular book or article in a class- I have thought about this while I've been reading before but my first focus was always on what I needed to get out of the reading for class- so I was more focused on what my professor wanted me to get out of a book than about what I might want a student to get out of it. I know it seems like a strange distinction to make but it makes a HUGE difference. I am really thinking about future as a teacher now instead of being dwelling on my own abilities (or insecurities) as a student. It's amazing! And brings me to the other big reason why I decided to continue school- not only do I love history but i want other people to enjoy it and to be curious about it and to want to know more- and to be surprised by aspects of history often left out of textbooks and to learn about some of the amazing people who are also often left out of textbooks.
People think that historians or those of us in American Studies have something against America- that, especially since the 60s and 70s- liberals have dominated the field and want to tarnish American History because we no longer focus on the usually white, usually wealthy, usually Protestant (or at least Christian), and almost always male, leaders of our country and because we no longer focus on the seemingly heroic moments of our history and argue for American exceptionalism. As I listen to a lecture on WWII and I read about slavery and the American Civil War I start to get excited about history again and to really appreciate the sacrifices Americans have made in the past- but to also think about the self-serving decisions and the brutality that the American ideal of individualism can also lead to- and it makes me want to share with students the complexity of our collective national past- Americans haven't always been good, haven't always cared about other Americans, but Americans have also been heroes who face incredible odds and sometimes willingly gave their lives for love of country. We are fortunate to live in this amazing country and we should celebrate that fact by studying our past- the good and the bad- because after all no one is perfect- and what better way to celebrate those who have have gone before us than by remembering them.
I didn't plan on writing all that when I started this post- I simply wanted to celebrate the fact that I am enjoying the beginning of my comps experience- I realize that I may not (ok will not) feel this way throughout the entire experience- but at least now I can remind myself why I am putting myself through what one of my professors called a hazing.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
(Belated) Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas!
It was an odd Christmas for me- traditions had to be shifted a bit to meet everyone's schedule- so Christmas felt rather un-Christmas-like. The only tradition I managed to fulfill was getting sick. It seems like I am sick every year for Christmas- a glance back at photos of the recent-Christmas past reveals me with a red nose- every year. I have to say this is one tradition I wish I could fore-go.
I've also been feeling rather blah. I had hoped that reaching the milestone of being done with course-work would be more exciting- or maybe more fulfilling somehow. I mean it's a major milestone- it should be exciting right? Well, it just seems kind of anti-climatic. This may be because I now feel the pressure to dive headlong into reading for comps- which is terrifying. Everyone is giving me advice on how to approach the readings but I haven't really figured out a system yet which is a bit frustrating and the whole process feels very intimidating. It also doesn't help that I still have my language exam hanging over my head. Don't even get me started on that- I'll save my rant on the language exam for another post- right now I'm trying not to dwell on it as it makes me very angry and it's counter-productive to fall down that particular rabbit-hole.
So for me, it was a rather strange, somewhat melancholy Christmas- that was made better by being in the company of family and friends... and of course Rusty.
It was an odd Christmas for me- traditions had to be shifted a bit to meet everyone's schedule- so Christmas felt rather un-Christmas-like. The only tradition I managed to fulfill was getting sick. It seems like I am sick every year for Christmas- a glance back at photos of the recent-Christmas past reveals me with a red nose- every year. I have to say this is one tradition I wish I could fore-go.
I've also been feeling rather blah. I had hoped that reaching the milestone of being done with course-work would be more exciting- or maybe more fulfilling somehow. I mean it's a major milestone- it should be exciting right? Well, it just seems kind of anti-climatic. This may be because I now feel the pressure to dive headlong into reading for comps- which is terrifying. Everyone is giving me advice on how to approach the readings but I haven't really figured out a system yet which is a bit frustrating and the whole process feels very intimidating. It also doesn't help that I still have my language exam hanging over my head. Don't even get me started on that- I'll save my rant on the language exam for another post- right now I'm trying not to dwell on it as it makes me very angry and it's counter-productive to fall down that particular rabbit-hole.
So for me, it was a rather strange, somewhat melancholy Christmas- that was made better by being in the company of family and friends... and of course Rusty.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Mascot
William & Mary is looking for a mascot- we're called Tribe- but what mascot goes with that? Anyhow, here are the finalists. They made me giggle. I can't decide which is the most appealing/funny. What do y'all think?
I should be working on my last paper- my LAST paper- but I'm writing this and looking at mascots instead. I am the queen of procrastination. Hey- maybe we should go with the king and queen mascots!
I should be working on my last paper- my LAST paper- but I'm writing this and looking at mascots instead. I am the queen of procrastination. Hey- maybe we should go with the king and queen mascots!
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
ending a chapter
This is my last semester of coursework.
I remember talking to my fellow TA last Fall, my first semester here at W&M, about the end of coursework. It was his last semester and he was looking forward to being done with classes. At the time I couldn't imagine life without class- I love going to class, although I'm somewhat embarrassed to admit that I miss lecture courses- most graduate classes (well- all that I've taken) are seminars- where the students talk as much if not more than the professor. I love leading discussion sections as a TA but there is something special about listening to a (good) professor's lecture. And now that I'm getting closer to a point in my career that I will be giving lectures- I have started appreciating the skill and preparation that goes into a lecture. I gave my first lecture the week before Thanksgiving and I spent 5 full days working on it and preparing my visuals. But back to my original point, I wouldn't have been able to last this long in school if I didn't enjoy going to class- seriously, I feel like I've been in school forever- I hardly remember what life was like before my return to college.
My feelings about school have shifted since then. Now I cannot wait for coursework to be over. I am sick to death of writing papers on things I have no real interest in- I want to be able to do the research for and to write my dissertation. I am so happy that classes are coming to an end!
I'm sure that I will be reminiscing more about this as I move on to the next chapter of graduate school- but right now I'm too busy since I still have more books to read and papers to write- and of course, preparing for my colloquium- the fist official step towards my comprehensive exams. Yikes!
I remember talking to my fellow TA last Fall, my first semester here at W&M, about the end of coursework. It was his last semester and he was looking forward to being done with classes. At the time I couldn't imagine life without class- I love going to class, although I'm somewhat embarrassed to admit that I miss lecture courses- most graduate classes (well- all that I've taken) are seminars- where the students talk as much if not more than the professor. I love leading discussion sections as a TA but there is something special about listening to a (good) professor's lecture. And now that I'm getting closer to a point in my career that I will be giving lectures- I have started appreciating the skill and preparation that goes into a lecture. I gave my first lecture the week before Thanksgiving and I spent 5 full days working on it and preparing my visuals. But back to my original point, I wouldn't have been able to last this long in school if I didn't enjoy going to class- seriously, I feel like I've been in school forever- I hardly remember what life was like before my return to college.
My feelings about school have shifted since then. Now I cannot wait for coursework to be over. I am sick to death of writing papers on things I have no real interest in- I want to be able to do the research for and to write my dissertation. I am so happy that classes are coming to an end!
I'm sure that I will be reminiscing more about this as I move on to the next chapter of graduate school- but right now I'm too busy since I still have more books to read and papers to write- and of course, preparing for my colloquium- the fist official step towards my comprehensive exams. Yikes!
Sunday, November 8, 2009
The Riverwalk
I've been feeling kind of blue of late and a couple weeks ago I decided to cheer myself up and drove to Yorktown, I wanted to see all the beautiful fall leaves along colonial parkway before it was too late and it was fun to sit on a beach and read- you should all be jealous that I get to do homework on a beach (although, I'll admit I'd rather not be doing homework and just enjoy the riverwalk).
I wanted to share how pretty the drive was but the pictures don't really do it justice and I learned that I shouldn't try to take pictures while I'm driving.
It was a little colder than I expected- I knew it would be cold so I wore a sweatshirt but I should have thrown on a jacket too!
And Rusty LOVES the beach- as soon as his feet touch the sand he takes off and starts running around like mad.
I wanted to share how pretty the drive was but the pictures don't really do it justice and I learned that I shouldn't try to take pictures while I'm driving.
It was a little colder than I expected- I knew it would be cold so I wore a sweatshirt but I should have thrown on a jacket too!
And Rusty LOVES the beach- as soon as his feet touch the sand he takes off and starts running around like mad.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
end of the semester craziness
Sorry I haven't posted in a while, I've been busy with all the end of semester loose ends and of course paying for my procrastination.
So today's post will feature- no surprise- pictures of Rusty. But these are pictures of Rusty doing what he does best, keeping me company while I work (or sometimes pretend to work, or you know, think about maybe working later).
Rusty- my faithful homework companion.
So today's post will feature- no surprise- pictures of Rusty. But these are pictures of Rusty doing what he does best, keeping me company while I work (or sometimes pretend to work, or you know, think about maybe working later).
Rusty- my faithful homework companion.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
I didn't want Rusty to get pinched so I got him a St. Paddy's Day t-shirt. As you can see he wasn't overly fond of it.
He didn't mind it once I took him for a walk though...
The sheep thought he looked snazzy.
He was especially happy that the squirrels are back. Can you see the squirrel in this picture? (Rusty didn't)
I'm glad to be back in Virginia- but not too happy as I am sick. Rusty guilted me into taking him for a walk (it was the first time it hasn't been raining when I was free since we've been back-he hates the rain so we haven't been able to go for a walk). I felt better after seeing how excited he was to run around but now I feel worse- ugh.
On the bright side- I was offered a summer job today- yippee! I don't have to be destitute this summer! (Now I just have to decide if I really want to accept the offer- long story).
He didn't mind it once I took him for a walk though...
The sheep thought he looked snazzy.
He was especially happy that the squirrels are back. Can you see the squirrel in this picture? (Rusty didn't)
I'm glad to be back in Virginia- but not too happy as I am sick. Rusty guilted me into taking him for a walk (it was the first time it hasn't been raining when I was free since we've been back-he hates the rain so we haven't been able to go for a walk). I felt better after seeing how excited he was to run around but now I feel worse- ugh.
On the bright side- I was offered a summer job today- yippee! I don't have to be destitute this summer! (Now I just have to decide if I really want to accept the offer- long story).
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
New Years Blues
There's nothing like the start of a new year to make you take assessment of your life. Normally I try to avoid falling prey to my tendancy to overanalyse things- it's a horrible habit and usually leads no place good. Unfortunatly I haven't been successful this year, I think it is because I have too much time on my hands. I'm incredibly grateful for such a long break- I really needed it- but having such an open schedule for so long seems strange and frankly I'm a little bored. Reading brain-free books and watching TV has been nice and all but I need to get out more.
As far as the assessing thing goes- I didn't do so well my first semester. I'm only beating myself up about it a little. I know I could have done better- you can always work harder. But I don't think I should be too hard on myself- it was a rough semester for me personally, there was a lot going on back home and it was hard being away from family. Plus- well... I hate to say this but I didn't really like my classes (didn't hate them or anything- just not completely my thing) none of them were particularly exciting. The one bright spot (there were two really- I also made a few good friends) was teaching. I really liked the class, working with my advisor was amazing, the other TA was also great. Most of all I really liked my students. Of course I always think I could have done better but overall I think it went well and my students seemed to enjoy the discussion sections.
I'm feeling very optimistic about next semester. I am much more excited about the classes I'm taking and it should be less stressful since I won't be teaching - I will miss teaching but it'll be nice to have less work. I have to retake the French exam but I should actually have time to practice this semester so my chances of passing will be better. I'm thinking about discussing France in my dissertation so I may try to find funding to go to France to do research - which would amazing! Plus I plan on making time to see more of my new home and maybe taking a trip up to DC. Who knows if I'll actualy do any of it- but it sounds like a good plan now.
As far as the assessing thing goes- I didn't do so well my first semester. I'm only beating myself up about it a little. I know I could have done better- you can always work harder. But I don't think I should be too hard on myself- it was a rough semester for me personally, there was a lot going on back home and it was hard being away from family. Plus- well... I hate to say this but I didn't really like my classes (didn't hate them or anything- just not completely my thing) none of them were particularly exciting. The one bright spot (there were two really- I also made a few good friends) was teaching. I really liked the class, working with my advisor was amazing, the other TA was also great. Most of all I really liked my students. Of course I always think I could have done better but overall I think it went well and my students seemed to enjoy the discussion sections.
I'm feeling very optimistic about next semester. I am much more excited about the classes I'm taking and it should be less stressful since I won't be teaching - I will miss teaching but it'll be nice to have less work. I have to retake the French exam but I should actually have time to practice this semester so my chances of passing will be better. I'm thinking about discussing France in my dissertation so I may try to find funding to go to France to do research - which would amazing! Plus I plan on making time to see more of my new home and maybe taking a trip up to DC. Who knows if I'll actualy do any of it- but it sounds like a good plan now.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Yippee
I finished my last paper today! I'm feeling very burnt out- thank goodness the semester is over.
It's been one of those months. School has been frustrating and this semester has been overwhelming. But when I sit back and think about it I'm still very grateful and feel lucky to be here instead of working in the real world. The news about the auto industry has also given me pause. I think about my other life- the one I was living before I decided to go back to school. If I hadn't made that decision I'd probably still be working at the car dealership. I liked my job there but was bored and frankly unfulfilled. Leaving a good job to go back to school (and go into debt) was a very scary prospect but the recent news has made me realize that there is little security anywhere and taking a risk is worth it if you think it could bring you happiness and challenge you.
It's been one of those months. School has been frustrating and this semester has been overwhelming. But when I sit back and think about it I'm still very grateful and feel lucky to be here instead of working in the real world. The news about the auto industry has also given me pause. I think about my other life- the one I was living before I decided to go back to school. If I hadn't made that decision I'd probably still be working at the car dealership. I liked my job there but was bored and frankly unfulfilled. Leaving a good job to go back to school (and go into debt) was a very scary prospect but the recent news has made me realize that there is little security anywhere and taking a risk is worth it if you think it could bring you happiness and challenge you.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Fun clip
I am writing a paper about WWII movies and I may start by talking about this scene- it's from a movie about the Depression- The Golddiggers of 1933- I think it'll set the stage nicely for my paper.
This scene, from the same movie, is fun too- watch for the pig latin- it's amazing!
This scene, from the same movie, is fun too- watch for the pig latin- it's amazing!
Thursday, November 27, 2008
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