I've been meaning to post- but have actually managed to get into the comps (comprehensive exams) groove and haven't managed to do it.
Anyway, first I wanted to recommend this new (well now newish) blog, it is written by a guy that went to school with one of my sisters- he is recording his journey through culinary school- in Paris! It's a fun blog and he post almost everyday- far more often than I do. I highly recommend reading it- especially if you like Paris- or food- or hearing about someone who is following his dreams.
And speaking about following dreams- grad school was kind of getting me down- there are so many things to worry about and feel insecure about- and frankly my money situation is really freaking me out- what with the abysmal job market and all (especially in my field- which was abysmal even before the economy tanked). Last semester was kind of rough (as I may have previously mentioned- if so- sorry to beat a dead horse) so I have been questioning my decision- many years ago- to go back to school full time and to go onto graduate school.
Basically, I was in a terrible mind-frame to start reading for comps. For those of you who I haven't described comps to here's what I am in for. I have four reading lists for my three fields and have a professor to advise me on each list- and to eventually examine me. My fields are American History (19th, 20th, and 21st centuries) this field is split in two so I have two advisers- one for each half, and then I have two minor fields- Gender and Sexuality, and War and Society. In all I have about 285 books on my lists (yes 285!). And my examination is scheduled (somewhat tentatively) for April 28th.
Anyway- I dove into reading a couple weeks ago and last week I realized, much to my surprise, that I am actually enjoying myself! I now remember why I made my crazy decision in the first place- I love history. The way I decided to approach or think about my reading is to try to figure out how I would teach a class on what I am reading and to think about whether or not I would use that particular book or article in a class- I have thought about this while I've been reading before but my first focus was always on what I needed to get out of the reading for class- so I was more focused on what my professor wanted me to get out of a book than about what I might want a student to get out of it. I know it seems like a strange distinction to make but it makes a HUGE difference. I am really thinking about future as a teacher now instead of being dwelling on my own abilities (or insecurities) as a student. It's amazing! And brings me to the other big reason why I decided to continue school- not only do I love history but i want other people to enjoy it and to be curious about it and to want to know more- and to be surprised by aspects of history often left out of textbooks and to learn about some of the amazing people who are also often left out of textbooks.
People think that historians or those of us in American Studies have something against America- that, especially since the 60s and 70s- liberals have dominated the field and want to tarnish American History because we no longer focus on the usually white, usually wealthy, usually Protestant (or at least Christian), and almost always male, leaders of our country and because we no longer focus on the seemingly heroic moments of our history and argue for American exceptionalism. As I listen to a lecture on WWII and I read about slavery and the American Civil War I start to get excited about history again and to really appreciate the sacrifices Americans have made in the past- but to also think about the self-serving decisions and the brutality that the American ideal of individualism can also lead to- and it makes me want to share with students the complexity of our collective national past- Americans haven't always been good, haven't always cared about other Americans, but Americans have also been heroes who face incredible odds and sometimes willingly gave their lives for love of country. We are fortunate to live in this amazing country and we should celebrate that fact by studying our past- the good and the bad- because after all no one is perfect- and what better way to celebrate those who have have gone before us than by remembering them.
I didn't plan on writing all that when I started this post- I simply wanted to celebrate the fact that I am enjoying the beginning of my comps experience- I realize that I may not (ok will not) feel this way throughout the entire experience- but at least now I can remind myself why I am putting myself through what one of my professors called a hazing.
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