One Week To Go!

It's crazy to think I will be taking my qualifying exams (comps) in a week from today! Send positive thoughts my way next Friday- I will need them!

I've really taken a step back from the process this last week. Several people told me to take it easy for the weeks before the exam so you don't over-think and over-stress it. With all the stuff going on with my family back home it hasn't been hard to get my mind off comps. I have actually been worried that I'm not stressed enough- I should be freaking out right now- right? On the other hand, it has affected my sleep- I keep going over answers to potential questions in my head at night which makes it hard to fall asleep. I'm a little worried that if I slack off too much now I will forget everything and panic next Friday.

I'm really not sure what I think of this process at this time, I'll have to force myself to take time to contemplate it once it is over. I really need to take some time to celebrate- but I'm not sure how to mark this major step in my career- and a major accomplishment. I do know one thing, I spend way too much time in my head and I need to get out more, too bad I'm broke so I can't afford to go anywhere- ah the life of a grad student!

the light at the end of the tunnel

I am getting closer- I should be done with the reading in about 2, or 2 and a half weeks. I am finding that it is more and more difficult to stay motivated and I am not getting as much out of my reading as I did at the beginning- I've become a machine, just processing books trying to hit my goals each week and caring more about the number than the contents.

It's hard. I feel like I am doing violence to the books. I am gutting them not reading them. It makes me think about the day I publish a book and it's future in the hands of graduate students who will gut it too- do I strive to make it easily guttable? Sounds painful. Of course, that assumes that I WILL write a book and that someone, anyone, will read it or "read" it.

I do still think I am getting something out of this process, even if it makes me long for my undergraduate days when I could read a whole book, word for word, page by page, and care about the stories told, not just about the arguments made.

I do think this will help me teach- I have been able to identify which books I want to go back to- and maybe assign and read with my undergrads- I long for the day when I get to sit in a room and discuss the stories of history not just the arguments of historians (or to chat online with my students).

I am glad that at this point in the process I am still looking forward to being an educator and to share my love of history with students- I hope they appreciate and get as much from me as I have from my professors (well, most of them).

back in va

I'm back in Virginia!

I spent two months in Utah hanging with family and friends... and reading of course. Last semester was my last semester- of course work that is. So I have no classes this semester (which still feels strange but hasn't really hit me) and I am not teaching this semester and I can, at least theoretically, read for my comprehensive exams anywhere, and I am broke so I won't be able to afford to fly home again anytime soon- so I decided to take a very long trip home this year- hence the two moth stay in Utah.

I was worried that I would not get enough reading done while I was home because I'd have the distraction of family there- but I actually managed to get quite a bit done! I have had less luck in the week I have been back here. I lost two days to the language exam and then I had a day full of meetings one of which went until 1:30 in the morning! I am way too old to be up until 1:30am- it took me a couple days to get back on track. I had a pretty good reading day yesterday- but I still only have half of my books read for this week and it's Saturday- not a good sign. But if I can get back on track I should still be able to finish in time for my April 28th exam date. In order to do that I really should get back to reading now....

Hey- did I mention I passed my language exam?!?! I PASSED MY LANGUAGE EXAM!!!! Finally, on the third, yes the THIRD, try I passed the language exam!! I am still giddy about it. Even getting in a small car accident (no one was hurt) could not dampen my elation over the language exam. Even the fact that a months worth of my mail was sent back could not dampen my elation over passing the language exam. Even the unpleasant meeting that went until 1:30 in the morning could not dampen my elation over passing the language exam. Even the fact that I am now behind on my comps reading could not dampen my elation over passing the language exam. Even the fact that I am missing my family and friends back in Utah could not dampen my elation over passing the language exam. Ok, I'll stop now, it should be clear that I am rather excited about the language exam.

Now back to reading....

reading, reading, and more reading

I have very little to say. I have been reading and doing very little else- I'm boring. But I am making very good progress- at least I think I am making very good progress. And I am still actually enjoying reading- not the euphoria of the first few weeks- but I'm not hating it. I've been getting up very early and reading at a coffee shop (where I will not be tempted to watch TV or get on my computer, or play with Rusty or my DS, or do laundry, etc, etc), it is a little hard to get up so early- but I do look forward to having the time to just focus on my work.

Besides reading I am working on my thesis- trying to edit it into an article that I can submit for publication. And I need to try to turn my senior thesis into a talk for the graduate research symposium. And I need to write two encyclopedia entries. Yikes thats a lot- And I didn't even mention preparing for my language exam (a topic I am still avoiding- but I am not avoiding studying- so that's good).

(Belated) Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

It was an odd Christmas for me- traditions had to be shifted a bit to meet everyone's schedule- so Christmas felt rather un-Christmas-like. The only tradition I managed to fulfill was getting sick. It seems like I am sick every year for Christmas- a glance back at photos of the recent-Christmas past reveals me with a red nose- every year. I have to say this is one tradition I wish I could fore-go.

I've also been feeling rather blah. I had hoped that reaching the milestone of being done with course-work would be more exciting- or maybe more fulfilling somehow. I mean it's a major milestone- it should be exciting right? Well, it just seems kind of anti-climatic. This may be because I now feel the pressure to dive headlong into reading for comps- which is terrifying. Everyone is giving me advice on how to approach the readings but I haven't really figured out a system yet which is a bit frustrating and the whole process feels very intimidating. It also doesn't help that I still have my language exam hanging over my head. Don't even get me started on that- I'll save my rant on the language exam for another post- right now I'm trying not to dwell on it as it makes me very angry and it's counter-productive to fall down that particular rabbit-hole.

So for me, it was a rather strange, somewhat melancholy Christmas- that was made better by being in the company of family and friends... and of course Rusty.

Shocking news...

I failed my French exam.  :( 

French

I took my language exam today... it was painful. It's been about 3 years since I took French so I'm a little (ok a lot) rusty. 

For the exam I had to translate about a page and a half of French. I wonder how they pick the text they have us translate- mine was very odd. Here's one sentence, "It was held by an Egyptian man who did not appear to be very radioactive." I changed it a little when I typed it up so that it sounded better in English but that was my basic translation. Which made me a little nervous about how accurate my translation was- seriously an Egyptian man does not appear very radioactive? What is that about? (I'm pretty sure I'm right about the radioactive part- I mean what else could radioactif mean?) grr argh!       

It's very likely that I will be taking the exam again next semester- but hopefully I will only have to take it twice. (I've heard everyone fails the first time- and my French is obviously weak). On the bright side I heard they may offer some kind of refresher course next semester and preparing for the exam has made me realize I kinda miss taking French (I was shocked too). And I'm thinking maybe I should possibly think about perhaps doing a transnational chapter (or more) as part of my dissertation- so French might actually be useful (shocking I know) I've just started thinking about this so who knows where it will lead. So there might be more French on my future (who'd a thunk it?)